From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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