Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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