ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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