I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
