Define "chronic" masturbator.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
