Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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