I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
