I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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