Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
