So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
do herpes really smell.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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