I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
