did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
