well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
