she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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