3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
