u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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