Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
