someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
