So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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