Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
