I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
