why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
