saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
