The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
