I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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