i don't like sucking hair
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
