I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
