I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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