the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
