there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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