I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
