Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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