her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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