im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
