Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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