that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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