I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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