i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
