You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize