Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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