3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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