She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
