please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
