You can't special order awesome
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
