Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
