the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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