Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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