if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
