I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
