Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
