he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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