from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
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